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Most apologies fail not from insincerity but from missing parts. You say the word 'sorry', you mean it with your whole chest — and the other person still walks away feeling unheard. Usually one of five ingredients is missing: the specific act is not named, the impact from their side is not shown, a 'but' quietly cancels the whole thing, no concrete change is committed to, or no repair is offered. This tool scores your planned apology against all five, shows you the weakest element, and tells you plainly what to strengthen. A complete apology is a learnable shape — and this is the fastest way to see which part of yours is missing.
Most failed apologies are missing one of five ingredients — the specific act, the impact, the absence of 'but', a commitment to change, and an offer to repair. Score your apology and see exactly which element to strengthen.
Because the 'but' is where the listener's attention lands — the justification quietly cancels the regret. Keep justification for a separate conversation; an apology carries only ownership.
The first puts the problem on the listener's feelings. A real apology names your act and its impact: 'I'm sorry I broke my word — it made you feel untrusted.' Specific beats vague, every time.
An apology is judged by what follows it. Watch whether the other person feels heard in the moment, then let your changed behaviour over the coming weeks do the rest of the apologising.
Every tool answers instantly from our own knowledge and calculators — kind, practical, non-judgemental. Want the deeper, personalised version? Each has a $2.95 full report.