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Somewhere around minute twenty of a heated argument, you are no longer arguing with your partner — you are arguing with their adrenaline, and they with yours. During conflict the body floods: heart rate spikes, stress hormones surge, and the thinking part of the brain goes offline. Nothing productive happens in that state, and plenty of damage can. The mature move is not to push through; it is to take a deliberate pause with a named return time — which is repair, not avoidance. This calculator estimates your cool-down window from how hot the argument got, and tells you when — and how — to come back to it.
When emotions run hot, the conversation is over before it starts — your physiology needs time to settle. This calculator estimates how long your nervous system needs before a talk can actually go well.
Physiological flooding typically lasts 20-30 minutes per wave, but hotter arguments need longer. This calculator estimates your window from the intensity of the fight — then agree a return time out loud.
Only if you never return. A cool-down with a named return time is a repair skill; disappearing without a word is stonewalling. Say when you will be back, and come back.
Breathe slowly and move your body — that speeds physiological recovery. Do not rehearse your defence; it keeps the arousal alive and poisons the return conversation.
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